yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
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he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
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are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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