After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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