Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
