I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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