i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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