Can Purell be used as lube?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
