last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
