Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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