I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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