please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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