I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
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we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
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Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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