I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
