I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Randomize
