I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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