I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
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It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
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I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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