My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
