So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
