I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
