I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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