yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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