it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
