Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
