So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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