you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You're earring is so big in my mouth
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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