If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
