Don't make out with my wife yet
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
