my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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