This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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