im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
