my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
