Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
