well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
