My liver just broke up with me...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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