Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
