sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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