I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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