If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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