TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
This is the high leading the old right now
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
