Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
