would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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