She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
