i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
