final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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