I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
