i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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