Please don't use social media to get back at me.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
