She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
whose parrot is this?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
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