I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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