College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
she pinky promised me she was 18
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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