dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
