apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
