I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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