She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
