That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
