So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
