david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
