So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
