Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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