sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
