uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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