This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
