Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
