why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
