Sry I called you an 8
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
