drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
