I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
