she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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