my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
