He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
