No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
