dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
