You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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