Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Semen is not good for contacts.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
