Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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