I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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