There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
