Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
