Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
