you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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