Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i will never coherently bang her
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
