So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
